As one living with Meniere's Disease, I strongly beleive this true and affirm, that with-in itself, meniere's disease, is a psychosis in-waiting. Thus compounding one disease with another...creating a disease that runs deep and with-out mercy. Effecting and affecting the simple spectrum called "My Life". From the loss of hearing in my left ear, having several operations in a truly short span ot months. The loss of my all-time favorite occupation with My Coffee Company, to the loss of independance. I am exiled. The freedom to just jump in the car for a quick spin is lost...the loss of seld-esteem. The loss of so many folks I really thought were dear friends - hurts my Spirit'...their silence a prayer? Am I really to live the rest of my life like this? I'm still rather young to have lost as much life to this maddening disease/disease's as I have...there is a huge part of my Spirit's that also are thankful. I am a fortunate one...
Was it really just a matter of time? Was it really my repsonsibilty to have this moment of clarity connecting Meniere's Disease and Depression, amongst other associated emotional and or mental issues...
One and one half weeks ago, I had what I reported to He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, as a Meniere's phenomena. While sitting on the sofa in my living room, I had what I can describe only as something I had NEVER experianced with my health situations. I endured vertigo attack's that were consecutive and repeated for several minutes in duration. All I could do was lay my head back and tried my best to let go. I felt my heart pound in my chest. My breathing was affected, so I pushed harder to keep me breath and focus. Consequently, have had to deal with the post-vertigo attack issues since then. Sadly, much of the post week and one half was spent sleeping or in a troubled state. I am aware I missed out on some festive times...that's not someting I wanted to share, but know it is said. It's easy to keep the gloom in...
As of this moment I am dizzy, nauseated and am perspiring. The sounds between my ears are very loud this afternoon. The roar of a jet plane in my left ear, it's parked out front today and my right-good-bad-ear has been playing mind games by switching on and off more frequently lately...also, either being so sensitive to sound or having great difficulty hearing.
Look, really, there have been times when I thought I was really going mad! Probably, too many times. I attempt to not let show much of what's going on in my mind...or heart. But damn! My brand has healed. Sometimes thought's come to the front of my mind that I fight off. I am visited by the voices still. Have been getting panic attacks...and I try not to call this madness.
Yah-hey! It just hit me that I don't know what Dr. Psych, is treating me for! Will inquire next visit. Had a visit on the Monday, and we have begun anew. A new "anti" uber pill and I'm off to the race's...I pray. Yes, it was just a matter of time. Wasn't it?
Brenda and I have been working and have embraced the GI scale over the past week. It is working, loss of weight and a managed blood suger, and a better state of awareness of body and it's going's on...
...it's a bitch, but sure is fact, that one has to use what one has before one loses it...no matter what the hell it might be!
Visited Sir Dude, earlier today. Had good talk. A good visit. Good ideas to help me get engaged in projects out of home...as in getting out there with PEOPLE and to have contact with folks...speak with and be around folks...take classes at our local craft stores and what not. I like the idea and will follow through...
...to breaking fast on this exile! I don't want to be exiled anymore.
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