It's so damned tough when some Folks in my circle make stories and tell untruths. We're all adults here and I simply can't figure out why some adults must lie to each other. It seems to me that it creates such discord and forms a separation that it is surer than the lies shared. When this discord comes from in your inner circle, how is one to trust one who sadly must find, and speak split tounged, the same I feel about their many masks. How easy it is for younger ones to pick up. The lies you speak and the lies you have spoken create division's. True, that awesome Catholic religion taught me too, that a lie is a lie. A lie is a lie.
You and your families betrayal's tastes familiar in my mouth to me. Once upon a time in my life, it was necessary I learn to lie to survive and oh yes, I was taught well, I was taught so very well...
...then I suffered for years, and years and then these years became decades, until I tended to the matter of the Incest, Sexual Abuse, and the mental and emotional horror that was a life of mine, you see? You remember? Me not ever telling it, never sharing about the abuse until I was in my latter thirties required that I create a safe place for me to experience therapy, that went on solidly, as in weekly, sometimes more frequently because I truly needed to take care of the "bullshit" I had been living from childhood until I said for God's Sake I have to cut this shit out of my thoughts and life! For my wife and for my beautiful daughters, I worked hard as hell, one crushed spirit at a time and a demolished self worth that required me to punish self until the years of therapy began to break through. One barrier at a time was to be replaced with as many boundaries required to protect myself. I worked harder to take care of my family and eventually, I learned to protect myself.
I facilitated support groups to give back to my community, and most importantly my fellow Survivor's of Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Incest a direction. I lived and breathed 'recovery', and to this day in my Center and within every Spirit, there has been an urgency to keep negativity at bay. That is what God intended for me to do, this was a gift from many therapist and it is what was given to me so openly early on in my Recovery, by each and every one of them.
By the way, I went back to therapy approximately five years ago. Once this Meniere's began to take over my life, I had no choice. I saw what was happening in my life, asthma was placing me in hospital time and time again. Pneumonias required trips to emergency departments and hospitalizations. Once I began to suffer from neurological issues and neurological pains, more medications and surgical procedures. Today the Meniere's runs at will. I am sweating and perspiring as if I have been out of doors gardening. I have had the nausea at a high rate, and my balance has been compromised badly. On the neurological front it is time for medicine. A very loud "PING" has been in my right ear for most of the afternoon.
Let me share this real quick like, I am 55 and I am a Survivor! I am a Warrior!
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