This Is Meniere's Related, An Infection At Site Of BAHA And A Plea, Please

Hello,

Woke up this morning with a bubble of skin, infection, and innards protruding from the sight of my implant. This morning when I awoke at 0903, I asked my dear wife to have a look and see because I was in horrible pain. It was way too uncomfortable to sleep on my left side last night, due to these harsh, sharp burning pains from the site of implant behind my left ear. The pain running at an 8, and was beginning to be too much for me to handle. So I asked her to apply previously prescribed medication to the area of the wound. The pain was so bad I felt pain in my hair when my wife touched me. Between the care my wife, who administered the medication Clobetasol Propionate Cream, ordered for this type issue around my BAHA, and the abutment and my implant. I can not wear my BAHA when the flesh bubbles rise higher than the abutment. Oh, please, this area has been quite problematic for Dr. Who-Touched-My-Brain and I. I understand I am thick scalped and have a thick skull, but dang. I am begging for long term elimination of this problem. I am silently screaming please take this hideous flesh off my head! The site is disgusting when I get these big bubbles and skin puffs, full of toxic infection. These manifest then, I'm constantly chasing my tail over this Meniere's related problem. Time, after time. Doc., let's see each other soon please?

 With in a two or three hour the majority of pain was gown and she was better able to give the wound a good look at. She trimmed away some long curls in the area so that we had a bee-line site on the implant, the area around it now were variations of red, purple and black colors. The bubble was passing blood and clear liquids as I showered, and the blood splattered onto the shower wall. Botswana, my wife, my doctor, my nurse, my Everything, took care of her husbands implant again. I mean for Petes sake, my wife has done more procedures for me than a few folks getting paid. Bless her heart! Every operation, every procedure - there's my bride, and only Great Spirit knows the exact amount of surgery's over these past six or so years. I did not call my doctor. He is a Fine, Right, Good Fellow, who has a beautiful large family, and as any Father, requires time with Family. I felt in my heart and skull that since my Home Doctor did such a kick ass job, no need to bother doctor on his day off. I PROMISE I will contact clinic first thing in the morn and possibly a copy for  Doctor D., later tonight, so he can see it in the morrow.

Please Note: One particular harsh side affect from this infection and others is that at my site of implant, there is an area where I feel it has hardened and pained areas in my neck, my scalp on the left side is sore and bruised. This is a type of an infection that simply pops up too frequently and has now created so much scar tissue and swelling of flesh, I don't know what more we can do. But please, Doctor. Please help me out with this. 

Thankfully and Sincerely,
Mario's Path

An Excused Absence, Signed By Me

Greetings My Guests,                       23 July 2014

There has been a massive catharsis over these past twenty four hours, much of which has been me staying awake rather than sleeping today. God knows I sure could have, and the very letting go of such negative force and energy in my life, has made me feel it easier to breath. Sadly, it has been absolutely necessary that I commence to increasing a steadfast boundary around me, and speaking of which, has actually become very therapeutic. What I share with you now, is conduct that blows my mind, and that it has been so easy for people and folks to manipulate me, and attempt to control. It doesn't matter who or why, I just do not ever have to say yes, if I don't want to. I've been a 'yes, sir', 'no sir', and on and on Man all my life. I permitted these events in my life to happen again and again because I did not say NO. I so very seldom, said no. I have learned this energy tends to effect me emotionally and really does causes my Spirit's to be interrupted. For me, this is rather like the expression, 'no means no', well, from now on, and this becomes more and more obvious to me is that I able in the position to make it so now. No more waiting, because I'm on my own out here when it comes to doing things in life and I have actually learned to enjoy this. I enjoy coordinating appointments and scheduling me and  my Blue Buses that come pick me up for doctors appointments and bring me home. Except when my baby sister and I are able to get together on return trips home. I have had to learn to make myself clear on certain things and it saddens me to see how some folks respond to me being a bit more of an assertive Mario. For God's Sake, it's about time I asserted myself in life. Even more...

...I'm tired of taking bullshit. Not as a whole, and not everyone, but let us pray and say it is a simple bunch of kin folk that I had a beautiful life with. But then, I woke up I reckon and say lies. I tell you though, it was such a long time until I found my voice. I'm happy and oh sure, it's a matter-of-fact all right, finally. The one thing that really chaffs my ass is that when I do assert myself - it is me who am wrong or it is I with a problem. Flipping this over, is should I "not assert" myself I get reamed too. I've even had issues from complete strangers.

If and when this ever comes up with even any certain team member of my team, The Better Health, Mind, Body and Spirit Team, I assert myself clearly. For me, and my direction, America, it is, I simply can not do this anymore. I can't go on letting folks play games with me in search of Folks who want drama. I don't have time for that. This time for change has been off in the distance for so very long, yet I end up with short end of the talking stick time after time. For simply for speaking to loud or speaking to low, or because I'm not hearing. I am Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Is it alright for so many to think they have the right to speak to/with me any kind of way? No. Just, I say, not anymore. By the way, the time has also come about for me to become more aware of all other peoples drama. Time to do something about these 'yes sah' and 'no sah' and 'yes, ma'am, and etc. These occasions are going to have to be limited edition in the future. From this day forward, shits going to change.

I beg your pardon for my absence these past two weeks plus four days. The battles with Meniere's continue with a vengeance. I have had three vertigo attacks that came with the usual suspects. Though I did not throw up, nausea was high but non-productive. I have lost a good several pounds, mostly from a loss of appetite, but I can imagine it is all due to the crazy sweats that come with the dizziness and nausea with nothing but medicine to bring up. The sound symptoms of late have been a constant roar of an applauding audience, I mean a very loud roaring sound. Another sound has been the sounds of old fashion type writers speeding away, even here as I tip tap away at a pace of twenty four or so words a minute. I think it was twenty four, but anyways, other sounds that have had staying power has been the sound of an English Patrol Car headed off with all alarms blaring away, you know, the one that does not sound like the American sirens. Oh my God, for hours and hours at a time, and then one other has been a forest chock full of cicadas coming out by the tens and hundreds of thousands! Such a damned roar there are times I think I'm going mad. I have fallen twice and have bashed my face on the door jam going into my closet. Simply smashed my face onto the door jam in my house of eight years or so.

This peculiar twitch in my eyes continue and the vision in my left eye worsens, though it is on my right eye I have a cataract. What is a Dude to do? I pray. Note: I release this communique as is, dated 23 July when I wrote this. I am not going to read this or edit is. I'm setting these words free to be read by family, friends and my dearest guests.

Meniere's and Neurological Pain Report, 25 July 2014

Hello, to my dear readers, my guests,

Let me first say I am here at computer without my glasses. My hearing and the sounds and noises that accompany these type Meniere's Disease, attacks and consequences of them, keep me sometimes in a very own damned mind fog up with zero visual ability and the clutter up there somewhere. I have been tortured by the sounds of a group of Men speaking aloud in the next room from me. This is not a one time event, this happens quiet regularly, and when the whatever's occur - it's the Meniere's preparing  for an ass stomping. Sadly, it so damned very often, them around me have not an idea or care. But then, I suppose this is the way I would really rather have it. But shit though, not too damned many of my Kin Folk really give a shit less about me, this body and the chronic pain that rules my day to day life style like a mean joke that is lived and relived time and time again. There isn't poop for me to do but contest the attack from this Meniere's and let it go on. Living with it the best I can do. I function the damned best I can, and with those words, I promise I as a patient of multiple health related issues, disorders and disease's, that I must be the General of my body and conduct myself as business as usual. At least the best I can.

Gagging out loud today, over and over as if I'm about to hurl chunks of my innards. Vomiting in my mouth, spitting up on and off during today. Burping sometimes aloud because I am still with belief this helps me when I get nauseated. For shits sake, I suspect I sometimes may sound like some drunk dude, sitting or walking here belching trying to keep the sometimes projectile vomit at bay. This is part of my day to day life style, so I live it.

I have had steady sounds of multi Maoris Code connectors going on and on at same time tonight. This maddening sound seems to be very popular this past forty eight hours. And it is a sound that returns off and on in my life. Another dreaded sound from my left is sounds of WWII era fighting planes that approach me from the North-North West, there is always a huge squadron of them, the approach takes half an hour or so, then the unfortunate ones get caught in some sort of freeze frame - with their air planes continues with the same sounds as when approaching, but they're freeze framed, immediately above my home. There were two or three times I went out to check, now days I do my best to freaking ignore the damned noises and sounds. What to do?

Facial spasms on both side of my face have been torture, very simply inhumane torture. I desperately attempt to reach the areas under my face, and behind my jaws. I have also had ear spasms get back into the routine of this battle. I eat my medicine and try to relax, which is bull shit because I don't know how to massage my face in public without looking as if I needed some other form of help. Oh, my dear family, friends, and guests, I consider the fellow Humans out there with me. Sometimes it's just to damned raw!

Dizziness has been present 24 - 7. I have had to wall walk and use high alert due to my gate, giddiness, frustrations, and hurt of heart. The sweats are a part of my daily life, sometimes there is no answer to why I sweat so much except Meniere's and it's symptoms pre and post Meniere's Attacks.

Returning to my hearing,  it is my beautiful left ear that is without sound. But, I hear and damn well listen to many sounds in this Deaf left ear. There are noises in both ears, the hard of hearing right ear has it's own, "Top 10 Lists", and it fucks with me every damned day and most of the time without any notice. In an instant, I can be giddy as hail and be absolutely enjoying myself with what I am trying to do to help Grammy and I keep a happy home. It is them harsh and sudden attacks that slug me right in the gut. Or straight to my throat, ears, body, and brains. The pains tonight are at a solid Six. Sometimes, I feel as if were making progress as a team, then the life altering pains from Meniere's and Neurological Pains that dwell deep within me and that's how this pain works against me. These pains very typically begin from my bones and then threw to my muscles. Sometimes the pain is so bad I feel like I have burns on my back! I'm so tired of being tired and so damned tired of being sick! I mean, every fucking day?

There are times when I am able to get out for a spell. Depending on what it is I'm doing or which doctor I am headed too, there are too many occasions when this alone sets me back for a day or few. Saturday, my wife drove me up to Brooksville, Florida to visit one of my dearest friends Mary, the owner of Peace Tree Trading. Unfortunately, the trip to the auto dealership and then the extra mileage North got me to bad. By the time we arrived my mind and body were already on a steady decline. I toughed it up a spell and visited with my sweet dear sister from another mother. Thank you for you love and understanding. It is with high hope my next visit will be a happier visit. Seen.

Readers, please, I do not know why my words suddenly became so bold. Um, yep, I figured it out. Um, nope and well then, I guess I didn't.

My eyes continue to wiggle-wiggle back and forth. Every day and any time of day. This is a Meniere's thing that does not go away - it lives here with me. Me, my stutters and it's humiliating. Honestly, all of the above is humiliating to me.

Yet I try my brothers and sisters, and I try hard. I will continue to fight these battles, and yes my Noble Knights, we shall have Victory! Whoa, that sounds so, from some where else. Yet the bottom line is that I will continue to fight and fight harder and harder.

Damn, I'm way too young to feel this damned old.

Keeping My Word, A Rush Appointment With My Dermatologist, The "C Words Back"

I have contacted my Dermatologist and my appointment with her is a Rush appointment this Thursday at 130 pm.

I have also contacted Hart plus Para-Transit, for my transportation riding 'The Little Blue Bus'. Time to pick me up for appointment is at 1130am, then the transportation Folks will bring me back home at 330pm. I have had to guess the amount of time I will be in procedures and pray I have submitted enough time for doctor to do what she wishes to do with me. 

There is absolutely no reason for me not to believe that this will become an open season with the cut and snip. I honestly have no doubt and am quite positive of a cut and snip session. More syringes and more needles. I have a chunk of anxiety pertaining to this, building within and me fearing and am afraid of being left alone post procedure with this one. Oh sure, I’m a Big Boy, and I can do this. I’m just a wee bit concerned.

Now, is the right time to apply stronger focus and energy on the matter and to surly readjust energy to accommodate this new-old situation with my health. The Cases of Skin Cancer vs. This Patient has been reopened.

There is nothing for me to do but wait now. Keep my eyes opened and my one ear opened too. I figure while there at clinic, I will have doctor evaluate my body from top of my head down to my size twelve feet. I might be able to release some of this damned stress that occupys mind space and too much energy, simply by letting doctor do her job. I trust my doctor and consider myself her patient. 

The countdown to the removal of these "C Word" began as soon as I hung up with transportation. As far as my doctor and her staff were concerned this was a no brainer, I was placed on hold four or so seconds and my ally had a date and time set. Fantastic! I love when plans fall into place like this.

 Well my Guests, I have kept my word on being proactive on this piece and reporting back. Here I am, and for now, all is done.

I will share a smudge later today. Prayers will be offered along with the scents of White Sage. A fragrance that has been a part of my life for as far back as I can remember. Peace.

Something I Have Had To Share, The "C Word Is Back"

Alright Kindred Ones, I must admit there is something I have not shared with you my guests yet. Yes, I must admit, I have had to ignore and I sure did,  just ignored a health issue that appears to have returned. I have truly not dealt with what is going on and the urgency that I have to see my good doctor who practices next to Memorial. That something I have seen, but really just noticed today, how the shapes have manifested into odd and scary formations of skin cancer. I know with this current assault of skin disfiguring, there will be some removal’s and samples sent off to the laboratory. There are multiple sites of various formations and for the first time ever, I have a bleeding site, this one being on top of my head and scalp. I have connected and shared certain episodes from these aspects of my diseases and illnesses here on blog. I opened up a spell ago, when with one episode Dr. Super Fly, needed to remove a lump from my Mr. Wang. I mean really. I have had a lump removal from my right chest. There really haven’t been much issue with dermatology and really. I own this is probably something that really could have been dealt with three or four weeks ago, I have kept near hyper vigilance with the procedures and going on at Moffitt and Tampa General. There have been so many appointments in the past month. This is something I despise speaking about, even thinking about the ‘C Word’, makes me feel goofy in my chest. I have seen with my eyes what cancer does to Folks. I watched as Dad suffered and died from Bone Cancer. I have had numerous aunts and uncles cross over from Cancer.

Granted we speak of an opportunistic disease that manifests in many ways, shapes, and parts of our body. What I am dealing with is a skin cancer, and this is something that we’ll jump on now. Yes, I give my word I will be making a call for an appointment with my very polite, professional, and more than well and able Dr. Super Fly. She is a Board Certified Dermatologist. As mentioned earlier, doctor’s clinic is next door to where I have been a patient for Asthma one dozen times over the years. Dr. Super Fly has been a member of my Better Health Team for many years, and I believe we met during the times of hit and miss the guinea pig with my former Neurologist. Dr. Super Fly, is swift with her procedures and utilizes modern tools as well as (more) syringes and scalpels - like a pirate uses a sword she uses her tool with purpose.. She is the one who has removed lumps, bumps and peculiarities from my body. She has always assisted me in having some sense of me being a pleasant looking fellow. Yes, I'm a Big Fellow, but not like Jabba from the Star Wars Motion Picture. I am 6'2" and  am presently 248 pounds and oh so truly, still strong even though my muscles and I have slept too much life away the past year.

 I wish to jump on my imaginary Pony and ride off into the Sun Set, set up camp in the forest up near Ocala National Forest, find a place for my Vision Quest. Though not now, during a Florida Summer, even when enclosed in a zipped up tent, life is chaotic because the pests and sparrow sized mosquitoes find their next meal in there with us and if there's more than one person, oh my good goodness! It’s a Bug's Golden Corral.

I shared this latest medical stuff with my wife this evening, she had a look and I gathered she was not too cheerful about this. We had a peaceful evening, along with our opportunity to speak, we had one hell of a rather rambunctious lightening storm out there this evening with very much rain, thank you Great Spirit! And one awesome electrical and sound show that sometimes startled us. Or the Hounds, or us, or all of us, this Tampa Bay lightening has had some bass and it strikes with a vengeance. Botswana and I were on the sofa and Abigail was with me and so very close. Chi-Chi sat with Botswana and Hershey sat on my right foot on the floor next to me. We shut off all inside lights, computer and television to listen to Great Spirit's Light and Rocking, Rolling Thunder! For sure, God was having a mighty fine game or few in Heavens own Bowling Alley.

Like the old days, before our baby's came to join us over there in Fort Lauderdale and the other in Miami. I felt something in my heart, something that puts me in the position where I can’t speak about this at this moment. I sure do have to figure this out and then I'll jump on this key board.

 I will report results of the morrows call with my dear Doctor Super Fly. You know what? This was a heavy burden in my heart when I went to therapy today. I wonder if this might have been a factor in my not so pleasant gathering and departure from someone I have been seeing for a few years. Curious, because this was compounding other issues I never had a chance to discuss.

This is a promise that I will get into clinic as soon as possible so that Dr. Super Fly might attack these four spots. There is three on my right face, with one lesion that has been open at one time and or another, there is one very raised berry looking circular bump that was not there just a few weeks ago, and one lump that has been hiding behind my beard. My ultimate concern is the bleeding lesion up top, fluids from the space between my scalp and skull and drops of my blood can be collected by placing a napkin at the site. Shoot, Grandpa, I think we have a slice and dice coming up directly. Come on by and sit with me a spell. Thanks for our visit, I always appreciate you stopping by on your way up to Louisiana to see your Kin up there. My Grand Pa Roy, thank you for being such an awesome Grand Pa! So many fantastic memories, so many lessons! Grand Father, I love you.