It's so damned tough when some Folks in my circle make stories and tell untruths. We're all adults here and I simply can't figure out why some adults must lie to each other. It seems to me that it creates such discord and forms a separation that it is surer than the lies shared. When this discord comes from in your inner circle, how is one to trust one who sadly must find, and speak split tounged, the same I feel about their many masks. How easy it is for younger ones to pick up. The lies you speak and the lies you have spoken create division's. True, that awesome Catholic religion taught me too, that a lie is a lie. A lie is a lie.
You and your families betrayal's tastes familiar in my mouth to me. Once upon a time in my life, it was necessary I learn to lie to survive and oh yes, I was taught well, I was taught so very well...
...then I suffered for years, and years and then these years became decades, until I tended to the matter of the Incest, Sexual Abuse, and the mental and emotional horror that was a life of mine, you see? You remember? Me not ever telling it, never sharing about the abuse until I was in my latter thirties required that I create a safe place for me to experience therapy, that went on solidly, as in weekly, sometimes more frequently because I truly needed to take care of the "bullshit" I had been living from childhood until I said for God's Sake I have to cut this shit out of my thoughts and life! For my wife and for my beautiful daughters, I worked hard as hell, one crushed spirit at a time and a demolished self worth that required me to punish self until the years of therapy began to break through. One barrier at a time was to be replaced with as many boundaries required to protect myself. I worked harder to take care of my family and eventually, I learned to protect myself.
I facilitated support groups to give back to my community, and most importantly my fellow Survivor's of Sexual Abuse, Rape, and Incest a direction. I lived and breathed 'recovery', and to this day in my Center and within every Spirit, there has been an urgency to keep negativity at bay. That is what God intended for me to do, this was a gift from many therapist and it is what was given to me so openly early on in my Recovery, by each and every one of them.
By the way, I went back to therapy approximately five years ago. Once this Meniere's began to take over my life, I had no choice. I saw what was happening in my life, asthma was placing me in hospital time and time again. Pneumonias required trips to emergency departments and hospitalizations. Once I began to suffer from neurological issues and neurological pains, more medications and surgical procedures. Today the Meniere's runs at will. I am sweating and perspiring as if I have been out of doors gardening. I have had the nausea at a high rate, and my balance has been compromised badly. On the neurological front it is time for medicine. A very loud "PING" has been in my right ear for most of the afternoon.
Let me share this real quick like, I am 55 and I am a Survivor! I am a Warrior!
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Monday, January 5, 2015
2015, Here We Go Now!
As my calendar fills with doctor appointments for January and February 2015, that there is a sense of urgency to keep things working at a steady pace. Yes, true, my business purpose with my health issues is to be worked daily, when that daily is one of those excellent daily routines of busting and moving at a full speed ahead approach.
There are certain entities within my Center, where I maintain a close eye over my Better Health and Stronger Energy Team, Work Shop and Office Files of every illnesses dwelling within. These medical mysteries have moved in and for now have every choice to maintain strong teams who work same page with me. Same Teams, same staff and clinics, all working together to help me with this damned Meniere's Disease, the Neurological and my Neurological Chronic Pain Professor from the USF at TGH, has helped me in ways that have me absolutely certain we are moving forward in this arena of battling several chronic heather matters every day with these meds., and them too. So I go...
...oh yes, and I so do follow my every doctor's orders and trust every one with my life. I just do not want any oops like the first procedure at Moffitt. My Right Good Young Dr. K., is providing me with same surgical procedures at Tampa General Hospital, here in the Tampa Bay Area.
I have something I shall bring up because it has been a matter of topic in the past - this unfortunately being a 'lump' that has grown back, approximately one and three quarter year ago one odd visit with She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, resulted in her removing a lump from Mr. Wang. Sadly, this is not some sort of good thing we were waiting to reappear in this life. Come 29 January, I am visiting She, to have removed larger lump than first one lump surgically removed. So, now here we go with Round 2, to slice, and make a removal of said 'lump' from my body please Lord. On this aspect of my business plan, all other appointments will be kept and others coordinated around Mr. Wang's operation. Oh yes, and quite certainly this type of situation needed not to pop up now. But it has, so I have no choice but to work with one of my most trusted Doctors to attack and focus on this while we proceed with other areas of my Better Health Plan.
I am confident the combinations of medications I consume on a daily basis are studied and considered before it's time for me to eat these pretty pills, and because my doctors have ordered the 'this and that's', it's my responsibility to make that my Right Good Doctors are not disappointed by my lack of attack. Besides, every one of my doctors and their extraordinary staff members are my teams. My Talks have brought good things in my life. As come tomorrow I shall meet with Mr. Michael Yelapi, over at the Self Reliance, Inc., Center For Independent living. I am motivated and my anticipation runs high as these damned cicadas between my ears are driving me to the point.
Soon, I plan to be back on here continuing to focus on reshaping the way I speak and communicate on this special place, my secret place. I've got to keep on truckin'. Better find my way to bed. I have to take care of some business in a few hours, and I wish to be in tip top shape for our face to face. I continue to pray for ASL Classes.
There are certain entities within my Center, where I maintain a close eye over my Better Health and Stronger Energy Team, Work Shop and Office Files of every illnesses dwelling within. These medical mysteries have moved in and for now have every choice to maintain strong teams who work same page with me. Same Teams, same staff and clinics, all working together to help me with this damned Meniere's Disease, the Neurological and my Neurological Chronic Pain Professor from the USF at TGH, has helped me in ways that have me absolutely certain we are moving forward in this arena of battling several chronic heather matters every day with these meds., and them too. So I go...
...oh yes, and I so do follow my every doctor's orders and trust every one with my life. I just do not want any oops like the first procedure at Moffitt. My Right Good Young Dr. K., is providing me with same surgical procedures at Tampa General Hospital, here in the Tampa Bay Area.
I have something I shall bring up because it has been a matter of topic in the past - this unfortunately being a 'lump' that has grown back, approximately one and three quarter year ago one odd visit with She-Who-Snips-And-Cuts, resulted in her removing a lump from Mr. Wang. Sadly, this is not some sort of good thing we were waiting to reappear in this life. Come 29 January, I am visiting She, to have removed larger lump than first one lump surgically removed. So, now here we go with Round 2, to slice, and make a removal of said 'lump' from my body please Lord. On this aspect of my business plan, all other appointments will be kept and others coordinated around Mr. Wang's operation. Oh yes, and quite certainly this type of situation needed not to pop up now. But it has, so I have no choice but to work with one of my most trusted Doctors to attack and focus on this while we proceed with other areas of my Better Health Plan.
I am confident the combinations of medications I consume on a daily basis are studied and considered before it's time for me to eat these pretty pills, and because my doctors have ordered the 'this and that's', it's my responsibility to make that my Right Good Doctors are not disappointed by my lack of attack. Besides, every one of my doctors and their extraordinary staff members are my teams. My Talks have brought good things in my life. As come tomorrow I shall meet with Mr. Michael Yelapi, over at the Self Reliance, Inc., Center For Independent living. I am motivated and my anticipation runs high as these damned cicadas between my ears are driving me to the point.
Soon, I plan to be back on here continuing to focus on reshaping the way I speak and communicate on this special place, my secret place. I've got to keep on truckin'. Better find my way to bed. I have to take care of some business in a few hours, and I wish to be in tip top shape for our face to face. I continue to pray for ASL Classes.
An Ode to the Me, He Who Was Born Here
If I were to be provided an exam on how I got here to Blog this morning, I'm unsure I could explain. For quite sometime I let shit go and I mean, like let it go quickly. I have learned some lessons with Folk, that sometimes blow my mind. I see it more when I am out an about. There seems to be a rebirth of common courtesy and respect on the streets and by ways of cities across the lower 48. I get so much love from so many that out here that this places me in the position to remember Acts, what is this that reminds me to pray even more than I do. Well then, I will be one very prayerful being.
I figured I had to toss some words out here to connect real quick. I have been with the sleep for a good several days. More like two or so weeks, today, I think good because I am actually waking up earlier in the day and my new Medications seem to be helping me do what I must do. What I speak about at the moment is neurological and neurological chronic pain that accompanies my every day...
...the Meniere's doesn't bleeding go anywhere. Oh dear, how am I to ask this with out coming across negatively. I have fought that damned negative energy all of my damned life. From childhood to now. I am able to share that I have spent time in contemplation and meditation to combat the negative energies that continue to influence others with multiple faces. It's my responsibility to turn my face on it, negative energy. Scream out loud when you feel the energies being directed at folks and all we can do is pray, and pray, praying with an Open Heart and Mind and am here to Scream at the forces while establishing boundaries between self and the negativity. There is something different about the way I feel towards my health care today. All that is to occur will be done with consultations of all of my doctors. I am blessed to have world class quality Doctors on my team when it comes to my BAHA, it was He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, who sawed and drilled and implanted this titanium abutment for my processors.
That's up to my teams and I to figure and work on, figure out together, shoulders to shoulders, if necessary to get our business done. What an awesome team indeed. And then to have my "Family" by my side too! Whew!
Ode to the me, he who was born in Ybor City, to return years later to dance the night away right across the street from the clinic I was born in. A Me that was so here.
So focused and did good work for my job. That's what it was my job. Then my body was invaded by the Meniere's Disease and for my statistics and I began to falter and let go but in a wrong way, I say. Good friends, I want to know what freedom feels like again! Good God! All of this and all of these opportunistic diseases invaded me when I was down...
...just like, right before my eyes. I want Mountains so high the touch the beautiful sky! I wish to be some place cooler and with-in a community of similar minded Kin. Speaking of Kin, thank you Brenda and Sheena. Sheena, I see how you have grown to be more tolerant with some of us who just may have some form of disability. I am humbly proud of you Daughter. My Daddy Heart is happy.
and I address myself with a challenge of self and life. The challenge is that I will not comment nor adjust any fateful things that pass by me. My Friends are active for a week or so, cause things to fall in our lodge, and so tries to play - I say, No Not Today.
Good Afternoon.
I figured I had to toss some words out here to connect real quick. I have been with the sleep for a good several days. More like two or so weeks, today, I think good because I am actually waking up earlier in the day and my new Medications seem to be helping me do what I must do. What I speak about at the moment is neurological and neurological chronic pain that accompanies my every day...
...the Meniere's doesn't bleeding go anywhere. Oh dear, how am I to ask this with out coming across negatively. I have fought that damned negative energy all of my damned life. From childhood to now. I am able to share that I have spent time in contemplation and meditation to combat the negative energies that continue to influence others with multiple faces. It's my responsibility to turn my face on it, negative energy. Scream out loud when you feel the energies being directed at folks and all we can do is pray, and pray, praying with an Open Heart and Mind and am here to Scream at the forces while establishing boundaries between self and the negativity. There is something different about the way I feel towards my health care today. All that is to occur will be done with consultations of all of my doctors. I am blessed to have world class quality Doctors on my team when it comes to my BAHA, it was He-Who-Touched-My-Brain, who sawed and drilled and implanted this titanium abutment for my processors.
That's up to my teams and I to figure and work on, figure out together, shoulders to shoulders, if necessary to get our business done. What an awesome team indeed. And then to have my "Family" by my side too! Whew!
Ode to the me, he who was born in Ybor City, to return years later to dance the night away right across the street from the clinic I was born in. A Me that was so here.
So focused and did good work for my job. That's what it was my job. Then my body was invaded by the Meniere's Disease and for my statistics and I began to falter and let go but in a wrong way, I say. Good friends, I want to know what freedom feels like again! Good God! All of this and all of these opportunistic diseases invaded me when I was down...
...just like, right before my eyes. I want Mountains so high the touch the beautiful sky! I wish to be some place cooler and with-in a community of similar minded Kin. Speaking of Kin, thank you Brenda and Sheena. Sheena, I see how you have grown to be more tolerant with some of us who just may have some form of disability. I am humbly proud of you Daughter. My Daddy Heart is happy.
and I address myself with a challenge of self and life. The challenge is that I will not comment nor adjust any fateful things that pass by me. My Friends are active for a week or so, cause things to fall in our lodge, and so tries to play - I say, No Not Today.
Good Afternoon.
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