Ahh, have I kept that conversation with my dear friend close on my mind and in my heart or what? The more his words resonate within, the more I realize and question myself about the Path I have traveled for what feels like a life time. I could hear a smile in his voice, but I knew my Brother from Guam was very serious. He has alway's taken our Kindred Kinship very seriously. Sounds to me he prefer I continue living and moving along with this grand-as-possible-sort-of-life.
As I do, and as I too have alway's taken our Kindred Kinship Omni-Presently Serious. Life goes on, ya know? I want to live this Life of mine and remain focused on what it is I am to do about my own illness's and pain's...
...and assist my brudda from Guam, "Maintaining Communications" as we did with the HHQ! Duuuuuuuude! Damn you, I love you!
I've let guilt take a moment since we spoke last. It hurts my Spirit's, to know that I hurt my Right-Very-Best-Good-Friend, my brotha-from-anotha-Mista, and I am honestly humbled, Mr. Guam. Your heart is already heavy and ailing you as it does. You don't need as much more "drama" as One might could get from other Folk's house. True? Eh? Oui! I pray for you to maintain vigilance on remaining a healthy and happy Dude/Dad/Husband/Son/Very Best Good Friend. Oh, and by the way, I in-turn will inquire about you and your's. Alrighty then.........
...what year was it Ole Fellow, you won that there Mr. Guam, title? 1976? Didn't you win it twice? I fergit.
I also want to take a moment to apologize to my bride, my dearest Brenda. My splendidly beautiful daughter's, All my Kinfolk and All mine Kindred. It would be a lie if I were to say I never thought of some dumb shit about hurting myself. I have spoken of doing self-bodily harm and such and that. But my Relations, that's limited to those way's and thing's I would do to punish myself...
...these thought's and contemplation live between these Ear's...
...but, you know what? I'm trying to live so the preacher won't have to lie. Yes, that little line is from one of my favorite singer's. But, it sure carries a heavy note in heart. And, this is where I have been...
...living as sweet and positive a life as I can. Spread love and peace to as many Kindred I might possibly reach. Like, it's just that! This killing One'self is totally against my plans for my life. My life has indeed been grand! It has also been the Roller Coaster from Hell that I/We have fought and am still fighting. But, I'm not going anywhere. I have a Life to live and I wish to live it with as much "mucho gusto" as I might muster!
The punishment piece was routine as a child and adolescent, you see?. It was a part of the "All" of it. For so many decades I held all of the responsibilty of the sexual abuse, the emotional, physical, mental abuse's, and yes, I know better and have the tools with which to deal with certain episodes of Life. That punishment was such a routine and part of my young life by other's, that I then as a Victim, would punish and hurt myself for whatever it was I thought was routine. I felt that it was necessary to be punished for what it was those Men taught and did to me. It was my duty and my nature to insure somebody was held accounatable...
...it was alway's me. No, I never spoke up...
...THEN!
It's crazy-mad how Life Goes On.
No, my Relations, there won't be any jumping 'round here. I love life and look forward to my tomorrow...
...my morrow's. Hell, I'm like a puppy waiting for Mommy to come home from work everyday. I bark along with our hounds in joy that "Mommy's Home"! Woof-Woof!!
The shit I've put this WOman through back in our youth! Is really a whole other blog full. I think I was a Cosmic Dogg. Yes! I'll admit it! I was a Dogg before Snoop Dogg. Please, why lie? The things I would do and the risks I took. I am forever thankful and Blessed by Great Spirit. Great Spirit, alway's had me covered. As many time's as I placed myself in to dangerous situations, Great Spirit was there protecting me from disease, disorder's, violence, and suicide. The Great One, Blessed me with this strong, yet delicate, and loving Woman to call my Bride. We're more than Soul Mates - we're truly Universal Mates. Meaning, I am very well aware this relationship was writen in the "Book", long before we were even born. Oh Lord, thank you for your love and influence in our lives. Thank you for my Cowgirl, Brenda Jean. I love her more than life. That right there is One Big reason, I am not willing to expedite my departure from my Family or this planet, Our Earth Mother. I Love to Laugh and I love to eat. I Love to Live!
life goes on...
...so, no, there won't be any jumping here. Not from car's, or train's or plane's. Remember this, if I wouldn't jump from this U.S. Army's planes - I will not be jumping for recreation. Recreation? Really? Shit, I would be one of them you'ld read about in the press or see on television or hear on the radio, "Mr. Mario Sierra, a Mixed Breed and Florida Native, died yesterday when his parachute failed to open while jumping out of some dumb ass plane." Recreation? Ha! Please! Ha!
Relations, yes I have issues. Emotional and physical. I am dealing with these in a rational and responsible manner...
...I seem to be morphing into another me. Yes, I know that I have a depression issue, so I eat anti-sad pills and try my best to be more positive and peaceful to others, while also being more positive and peaceful to self. True to self. Yes? Oui!
This is all I have to say.
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