Home Health Care

Started Home Health Care last week. An RN, will visit me a few times. For what has been mostly a Q & A session and take my vital sign's. I truly do beleive my RN's BP cuff is broken. My RN, is preoccupied about my BP. My cuff and my doctor's cuff say something considerably different...So now I am in the position to assert myself and ask my RN to please replace his piece of equipment. I mean really, and yesterday's number's were no doubt affected by the event's of the day...or, I suspect a debate or two will ensue. I expect a call from one of my doctor's any time because of RN's report...I think the problem is RN does not have ear's.

Started Physical Therapy on this past Saturday. I think I am doing well but am forever afraid of my next step...as if I await an accident or fall. Wait! Have you ever fallen forward into the bath basin while brushing your teeth? I have. Yesterday was my first.

I am willing to place all of my eggs in one basket, but, I have done this too many times and have grown weary with the concept of another failure.

I push and I push this envelope called, My Life. I don't know how far to push or how far is too far. So I just push...push real hard and proper.

I am dizzy as I type these words...nausea is high at an 8 and the pain level in/on my left skull is a hard 7. The loss of Hearing in my right ear is becoming problematic - some day's worse than other's... or like,that's the way it seem's please. I still have the extraordinary noise's going on inside both ear's and my right ear continue's to swell/make full sensations. These are the thing's I live with every day of my life...I do my damnedest to keep my heart from getting bad and keep my Spirit's high as possible. This is where I get my energies from.

Love and peace,
Mario aka Big Bear

Something has happened...

I beg your pardon, I suspect something has either snapped or cracked somewhere up there...in one of those hemishere's of my brain.

I look in the mirror and I see a me who has been effected by this thing called meniere's...not only in physical way's, like the way my left eye has gone lazy on me and as my young nephew, Tong-Tong, recently informed me and a living room full, "Tio, your eye look's like it's about to fall out"...to how my left ear is now - way lower than my right ear. How sometime's at will, a tiny stream of drool slips from the left corner of my mouth...or sometime's spit. I clearly see the dent on the side of my skull where an implant live's and body fluid's drain.

I see a fellow who has aged prematurely...once vibrant and full of awesome energy. I weep as the day's have becomes month's and form these little dark pouches under my eye orb's...a dark colour forms as if my batteries scream for replacement. I see someone who has gained too much damned weight...not from over-eatting, but from under-living. From an overachieve'er to an under achieve'er in less than three years, have been a dreadful strain.

Folk's still like to grow bitter with my deafness and being hard of hearing...people in public, who do go out of their way to get a better look and see, folk's who stare. My kinfolk still laugh and find amusement...as if being entertained by a mime or a sad clown listening to the drip, drip, drip of a steady rain.

So I pray - I hope - I hope - I pray...

I don't know what more to do or say, so, peace to you and your's and please have a good day.

Meniere's Disease, My Surgical History...Saw's and Drill's

Hey, it has taken me a spell to get to the saw's, drill's, cut's, snip's and staple's...with that being said, please understand the "why's" of not opening up about them earlier...hideous pain and sound's, is about simple as I can put it. Nerves and muscles on my head, skull and my face still ache and are healing ...this is what I am told...

The spring and summer of 2008, doctor injected a toxic anti-biotic six times into my left ear...seperately and scattered over a few weeks.
In Sept. 2008, doctor performed/operated a Left Vesibuler Nerve Section.
On 09 November 2009, doctor performed/operated a Left Labyrinthectomy.
On 05 Jan. 2010, doctor implanted a Bone Anchored Hearing Aid.
In April 2010, doctor performed/removed to cysts from implant site.
On 12 July 2010, doctor performed an Endolymphatic Sac Surgery with Shunt.

My doctor and I had a visit on the yesterday. Two more cysts are growing on the left side...above the site of my implant. He wanted to perform/operate = cut one yesterday...we agreed to wait until our visit come November.

This whole process/illness has been hideous...

Meniere's Disease, Symptoms of...The Sound's Part III

There are times when my right-good-bad-ear detects less sound than in my deaf ear...
...sometimes the sounds in my deaf left ear are so loud I wish I could turn it off or tune it down.
Morris Code's, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeps, to beep-beep-beep's...the Rain Forrest's are different than the swamp land creature's that dwell between my ear's.
There are times, when thing's are so quiet I can hear the sound of the blood pulse in my neck...
...sometime's so loud I want to scream them silent!! PLEASE!!! The planes, the airboat's and trains!! PLEASE!!!! SILENCE!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!
There are times I am afraid of what is going on...I do not want to lose what hearing I have remaining...so I pray for my hearing.
...yet, there are times when I pray for silence.

Dear Mama

Dear Mama, I know if U were here...
U would do the same thing's I did to U.
But, instead of me flicking U off with
your decline in sight...
U would B flicking me off in Sign Language,
my hearing in decline!!

Mother, Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Ma-Munda
and Mamaw...God and His Angel's know
how I weep for U still.
I Love You to this very day Maaaaa!!!!

p.s. We would have had a blast!!!
...and thanks for pouring out the rain...

Falls are NO FUN!!!

Had another fall four days ago.
Am still sore and swollen...
The brusing looks so purple and green.
My Pride still aches too...too, blue.


That fall I had a few day's ago...
opened 4 eye's and my one-good-bad-ear.
To be 4-Ever aware and clear...
Same thing I taught my daughter's,
has come back 'round to teach the
teacher. A Full Circle...life's lesson's,
simple and free.