Therapy Lacked Something Today...C-

My visit with my therapist was not all I had hoped it would be. I left the office feeling as if a task had not been completed...or, one of those weird-vibe-in-the-air,things that I sometime's just miss from whence it came. Unfull-filled(?) Knowing sometimes that I could'nt hear a word he was saying over the "white noise" machine...Oh Honey, it is true!!! White folk can make noise that's called white noise!! Anyway's, we went through what I would call, "Verbal-Rock-Skipping-On-A-Large-Lake-Placid"...bless his heart, he was able to keep from yawning two or three times.

I really do expect to get something out of Theraputic Session's...no matter, how pissed off I may be, or how fucken sad I am because, MY LIFE HAS CHANGED B-4 MY EYE's!!! I can't drive my car...MY Starbuck's Coffee Company released me three weeks ago!!!, because, at this moment I am unemployed!! I am being considered handicapped!!!...then there are times I am so tired,so exhausted, sad, blue, and really don't know what to do...that sometimes I wonder, can it really be so bloody bleak...GOOD GOD!, I am going deaf...for real...slowly...

My therapist needs to know these things, I suspect. Maybe next week I'll get a Full Mental Enema...

This is why I expect something from my Theraputic Sessions...there must be steps walked forward and kept on The Trail. I tell you now, it is true that evil will play tricks on me - so I face this invisable enemy My Face to meneire's Face.

I am a survivor of many obstacal's I have had in my Life's Path...from early childhood, teen years, and as a young man...I share these word's now, because, I have NEVER felt so defeated so fast into the fight. I deserve to live life in peace and leave my Warrior paints at home...but Damnit!! If I don't fight this enemy full force...I would know what "unfull-filled" feels like, all over again...and again...

This is why I expect something from my Theraputic Sessions!

Meniere's Disease...The Symptoms of...Loneliness II...

Sometimes I listen to nothing...there are days and times when I am alone...with the silence. I will listen to no music and watching television is not a habit...so, other than the sounds from with-in my skull, there is no sound or noise...sometimes I might catch the bird's chatting and singing in the back yard...but truly, truly, truly, this world as I know/knew it changes for me almost daily. Sometimes the silence is deafening...so loudly silent...

Meniere's Disease, Symptoms of...The Loneliness

This is something that is in the "Top What-Ever" of my meniere's disease symptoms...Loneliness. It started early on with my peer's at work...then neighbor's...then my family and friends and as thing's began to ramp up...
it was really, like I had/have a curse or something...as if I might pass this through touch or company...my folk's, started to scat like fly's in the Dirty South, swatted off a cow's ass when this bullshit disease started to hit the fan.
Broken promises made by make believe friends and kin-folk with two face's...scatter like the leave's falling from the tree out of door's...Relation's, I have broken bread with, I have cried and laughed with...even just for an hour?...or a call to check on thing's?
The silence in my Deaf Left ear, the sounds of total silence...the continued loss of hearing in my right-good-bad ear...the more I strain to hear...the more I must ask for repeats or I still do the "go-along's". TO HAVE KINFOLK, get upset or bitter with me because I have to ask for a repeat, more than two or three times is REALLY starting to hurt the heart...and yet, silence what I might want to say or share about this whole situation.
Maybe I'm missing something here...I don't know...one thing is for sure though, and that is when you recognize them who are sincere and them who enjoy playing with folks emotions.

Meniere's Disease, Symptoms of...The Sounds Part II

In previous post failed to mention that when I retire for the night and lay in bed getting ready for Dream World, I listen to the sounds of my heart beating in my right good-bad-ear. Dr. D., and I spoke of my hearing yesterday, his hopes were that there would have been an improvement in hearing in this one-good-bad-ear, I was in the poistion to inform that no, there has been no improvement and that we are at same place as prior to surgery in June...we also discussed odd issues I've had with extreme swings in my hearing every once and again. There are times when my hearing gets so bad, I go through changes to listen, while on the other "ear", there are times when my hearing becomes so hypersensitive I really must ask one to tone down voice or turn down the radio or television. Have been informed this is a "classic" symptom of Meniere's...alas, it is true, I have not lost my marbles...yet!

A Day With The In-Law's

Well, well, well, let's start off with the trip to my doctor's office down town connected to Tampa General Hospital, in South Tampa. My In-Laws traveled from Valrico to the North-West County to pick me up for doctor appointment, then we take highway to State Road 60 going East and on to doctor's clinic.
On the way down I witnessed an unusual amount of near auto accidents, I tend to listen to my Inner-Self and suspect my Dad-in-Law, was picking up on my premenitions, so he slowed down a bit and drove more on the High Alert running.
We made appointment with time and no accident. Thank God!
My appointment went sort of well...pain is better managed, yet the other symptoms are providing me with a bitter contest and my BAHA processor has not yet returned from being repaired and up-graded...so am having to go the Single Side Deaf for a bit longer. I am just so happy that we have the pain better managed...this meniere's is tough enough.
As we were waiting for valet, I saw a woman miss getting smashed by an older model car...I mean like a micro-moment close. The lady had right of way crossing from garage to TGH, the jack-ass behind the wheel honked at her and laughed...she thought it was funny...I would have been a witness for sure. With a smile on my face I would have been right there for police.
We left hospital grounds 20 minutes too late to observe honorable procession for young PFC, killed in Afghan. I had so planned to pay my repsects, I took along 3 small flags of our United Staes Of America. I pray there will not be another such procession.
My dear Mother-In-Law, wanted to buy me breakfast and because I usually decline, I accepted this morning. Beside's Dad-in-Law was hungry. We visited the Village Inn and were seated. Immediatly to our right was a vacant table where three folks who had attended the procession sat for their meal...one a highly decorated WWII Vet, a fine fellow running for District 11 and a young lady guest. We spoke back and forth as if we had known one another for years. It was an honor to break fast with the three...the WWII Vet used to eat at Wolfie's down in Miami, as I, and Nathan's in North Miami Beach, where he used to work. I too worked in North Miami Beach and ate at Nathan's!
Once we said our farewell's we then went off in search of a new cellular battery for my wife...
Let me share with you NOW, that these people who sell us our telephone's fail to state in our contracts that finding a replacement battery may be a bit of a challange. We stopped by a vacated Verizon store, not knowing it was vacant until we got there...then down to Best Buy, who sell's telephone's but not the batteries. Then we found a Verizon further down Hills. Ave., dang near Oldsmar, phones but no batteries...we were then asked to go to batteries-r-us or something like that on U.S. 19 in Clearwater, Florida...so we went...found the joint, BUT, no battery for the phone in hand. Soooo, we come back to the North West county and stopped by an A.T.& T. - NOPE...the last straw was the local Radio Shack...and no, No battery!!!!
My Day With My In-Laws...I had a dang blast!! Thank you Nani and Papa Gene!!!!!!!!!!
Today, really was a good day to be alive...

p.s. Nani, picked up a battery for Brenda's cellular telephone at a batteries-r-us or something like that out in Valrico...not too far from where she lives...go figure...

Meniere's Disease, Symptoms of...The Sounds

I am Single Side Deaf in my left ear...deaf as in deaf - sound does not compute type of deaf, but to this day - eight months after the surgery that took my hearing and balance away, I STILL HEAR AND LISTEN TO SOUNDS AND NOSIES!! My dear doctor, calls this an "anomaly", which indicates to me that it is I who is the "anomaly". Just as clear and crisp in my left ear hole at this very moment are the noises of crickets, frogs, gators and crocs. Again, this is happening as I type these words...in my deaf ear. In my right ear I have had to deal with a constent beep-beep-beeping for the past week or so and all bleeding day. Morris Code like, beep,beep,beep...

What I'll share now is of the sounds that have passed through my ears from the beginning...from before the beginning, prior to diagnosis...there was a very long period when I heard the sound of a train choo-choo'ing in my ear's back yard - out my bedroom window...also have had the jet's and plane's roaring engines in my ear. NOTE: Routinly flipping from one side to another, as I have never had both ears in concert...may have had concerts going on full blast with-in, just on two different channel's...have had air-boats in my ear/back yard, helecopter's and motor engines roaring loudly...in my ear/ears...daily. Every damned day of the week...and yes, there is a medication one's doctor might presribe.

There are times when my right-good-bad-ear, has such poor hearing I must cup my ear to hear...same as when I put my phone on speaker and still hold the telephone to my ear...when I have to ask more than three times for a repeat please...then make believe I've heard something somebody has said...there have been times when my hearing has just stopped for a moment or few...horrifying! And then there is when I am totally deaf, as when I sleep on my right ear/side. This is particulary difficult for me, "the man" of the house..."DA Big Dog". There's something just not okay with this.

Then are times my hearing is so accutely sharp that the slightest of noise is troubling, offensive and even startling. Pranks are not funny.

I do have a BAHA, and have used my processor as much as possible. Just have not had it on too much since I was presented it in March. If not for surgery's, there have been infection and cyst at site of implant - there have been mechanicl issues too. Actually, my dear processer is being repaired across the Big Pond at this moment. Am eagerly awaiting it's return.

Walking The Path...one step, one sound at a time...
Pranks are not funny...really.

Meniere's Disease, Symptoms of...The Vertigo Attacks

First on this list, are the vertigo attacks!! These have created a life of dreadful anticipation for me...everytime one of those certain noise's pop up, I go on the alert. I have had the vertigo attacks for several years now and have experianced them in most every place off the top of my head...work, at home which is my safe place and my yard,...have had these sitting, standing,on the toilet,in the shower, in a moving car, in bed, etc. The most embarrasing are those witnessed by others, as when in public or amoungst kinfolk. I prefer and much rather be home alone when my world's spin about with no control. Yes, my dear doctor, does direct me to take certain medications at certain times when these attacks come about, but, I don't carry pill's in my pockets - nor have I placed them in secret places about the house. These attacks occur at the damnedest of times!! Morning, noon, and night!!! Like the lightening strikes...
Some folks, go through extra ordinary measures to get the sensations of being dizzy/off balance...mostly, at an event that is paid for, such as Carnival/Fairs/Festival rides...such as roller coaster's or gravity manipulated rides...then even worse - drugs, pills, or alochol.
Let me share with you now, having these experanices of total dizziness for minutes to an hour and a half or more is not fun and not damn funny...my room, my house, my world and Spirit's spin and spins totaly out of control...when the medication's are out of reach, I do my best to ride them out...then fight self to sleep......to then sleep for 24 to 72 hours...
It has been one week and one day since my last.
In the mean time, I wait...and listen.

...this may take a while folks...

Great Day!! Am having major issues with creating my little blog!! Think I'll call time out a bit and try again later. Besides, medical issues arise.
Walk in beauty!

Friday the 13th, August 2010, A Doctor's Visit

Went to my Dermatologist this morning down in South Tampa, won't mention Doctor's name, but SHE is brilliant. Had surgery and a procedure all in one visit! The surgery was to remove a cyst from my Mr. Man, the Sir, down below the waist...during surgery had an electrical shock and screamed like a bitch!! Poor Doc., both of her hands flew up (thank God!), she took a leap back as did her assistant. We all laughed about it after! LOL! But damn, one does not associate cutting up of Mr. Sir, nor does one associate eletrical shock treatment down there either...the procedure was done on my face to have a ginormos brown spot removed. The cyst will be sent off to lab and I'll have the four stitches removed next Friday. Who, really ever thinks about having a boo-boo down there? Lord? I never did:)

peace ya'll,
Mario

Medically Imposed Exile

For way to long have been in a medically imposed exile. I have become socially inept. Can't go to the market or Target without becoming overwhelmed with anxiety and symptoms of menerie's. Sometimes things that were once simple, are not now. I am truly disgusted with self and situation...don't have anything else nice to say so I won't say anything else.

An Introduction...

  My name is Mario. I am married to the girl of my dreams, Brenda. We have been side-by-side since 1974...high school sweet hearts and now married thirty years. We have two beautiful daughters, Honorable Daughter #1. Nikki and Honorable Daughter #2. Sheena, both are Daddy's Girlls and I don't give a poof who might disagree. Only My God, know's how much these three Women mean to me...my Sheroes! My wife and daughters have been my teachers for way longer than I recollect. I hope and pray I have been a good student, because before my "Girlies", I was a wondering one...a lost boy, kinda/sorta. Anyways, it is now that I am able to express my graditude to wife and daughters...thinking I have spoken same - now it is written. I would not be here/alive today.
 ...and now for something completely different....

  I was born in Ybor City, Florida, on October 17, 1959. I am the eldest of seven children birthed by my Ma, Elizabeth Ann, and my Dad, Mario, Jr. Was born in a clinic, not a hospital per-say...my dahling grandmother was there to assist as Mid-Wife. in my arrival to Earth Mother. Today, the clinic is a Bed and Breakfast, immidiatly across from the Spagitti Factory. My Mom and Dad had six more children there: Ana, Margarita, Theresa, Danny, David and Linda - born in a place where folks now pay to stay the night....I wonder if my little spirit still roams the halls and the grand marbel stair way?...

  I am of mixed blood/multi-ethnic heritage...imagine...Cherokee,Southern Redneck/Hillbilly/back-up-in-the-holler, kind of kinfolk- simple/counrty/and pleased to-be-so kinda folk . Then mixed with and extraordinarey blend of multi-Latino and some quite dark skinned kin from my Dad's kinfolk. O' Lawdy, from my Dad's kin alone, we wave the flags of Spain, Italy, The Spanish Canary Islands, a stop over in Cuba and then Key West, baby. My Great-Grandmother Juanita, was born there and since then we have had four more generations born on this beautiful State of Florida...I am Blessed to say I am Native in many ways...true? Am also pleased to say I am Mixed Blood. It has taken me a life time...but here I am today. I can only imagine the culture shock that reverbed through the course of grenerations...1959, WTF!?

 My dearest kid brother, David died in early 2001, of a drug O.D. He was being used as a mule to transport herion from Columbia. A ballon burst. David took it to his death...didn't say a word to anyone about what was going on in his body...just quietly went to sleep in his drug-induced hell Mom and Dad, found him the following morning. Still warm. My Mom, crossed over in 2002 of multi-failed by-passes. Then Dad, passed from Multi-myloma, the cancer of the bone, in 2006...so our family has shrink from nine to six. Some of us try harder than other's to keep the home fire burning.

Meniere's Disease...

  I was diagnosed with Meniere's Disease right about two years ago. Since then I have had 6 injections of poisonous anti-biotic, 4 operations in hospital and two procedures done in doctor's clinic. Of all the weird diseases in the world to creep up on me it happened to be this one.

  As far as the War against Menerie's, I have a fantastic medical health team at Tampa Bay Hearing and Balance Center at TGH and a strong mental health team.I am also blessed with a wonderful circle of kinfolk(kinfolk equals all relations in my life) keeping an eye and ears on me...doing their best to make all of this as comfortable as possible to one who has Menerie's...NO, I will not die from this, but I suspect one might go mad with  anger and frustration...can not lie and say death has not crossed my mind.. I hold on and continue to push the envelope.

  Life has been a living hell for this one (me) living with the symptoms of menier's, the medications, the surgery's, loss of gainful employment...have not driven my P.T. since September 2009, VERTIGO ATTACKS, the dizzieness, nausea and vomitting...the falls, LOSS OF MY HEARING!,..a BAHA and just so much more.

I would like to eventually place in order the different processes of attacking Menerie's...some time. Maybe list my sypmtoms as well...some time.